I have decided not to pressure myself in writing monthly blogs and do as my title suggest and write only when the inspiration is there. This post much like the others is coming directly from the happenings of my day to day life. Right now I am in London, on the 4th out of 5 stops on my journey to earn my Masters Degree in International Relations. As I get closer to my dream being fulfilled it seems that there is more and more negative energy circulating around me. What is up with that? Why must people be so negative? What are the benefits of being a hater?
I have come to understand that many times when people decide to be negative towards the positive things I am doing it is not because they have something against me, but actually because they are dealing with their own insecurities and issues. They are afraid and seeing someone elses' success is like a sign being held in their face of things that they have not accomplished yet. It is easy to get caught up in being a hater. Sometimes it happens unexpectedly and so quick that if not checked it grows into envy and can ruin relationships.
Recently a friend of mine Alisia, was accepted into Law school in Australia and was also awarded a very nice scholarship package! I was initially so proud of her but there was a moment where I felt envious. I had been struggling with my own fears of making career plans for myself after this program, so many roads to take and ensuring I took the right one for me. I was battling with insecurities, wondering if I was good enough to accomplish my own goals, and I let those struggles cripple me in not celebrating with someone whom I cared about and admired. I was able to check my feelings quickly as I realized her getting into Law School didn't mean I couldn't. Her success in life did not equate to my failure. If anything it was actually the opposite. The person I admired, was now accomplishing new things and inspiring me in new ways, standing as a symbol of what hard work during this program could produce. Thinking back on it now I should have been nervous and concerned if she had not been accepted.
There is a famous speech used by Nelson Mandela but authored by Marianne Williamson that starts out "Our biggest fear is ,.." later in the text she says "And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." We need people to shine, we need for others to feel celebrated. The most important thing you can do when you feel envious of others is to celebrate them appreciate their success and realize that others success does not equal your failure.I'm not saying be fake,..and smile when you don't feel it, however what I am saying is take the time to explore the origins and validity of your feelings. I have recently been put on the other side of the equation and it can be crippling. I have stopped myself from sharing my success with someone very close to me because I knew that they would only find something negative to say in response. What hurts me the most is that this has effected how often I talk to this person, and our friendship is fading. I feel as though my success has forced me to loose a friend. But in the end I have to do what is best for me. And by "playing small" just to keep a friend will only leave me with feelings of resentment. I have resolved to pray for my friend and continue to support them, and if nothing changes I will continue to strive to accomplish my own goals.
Jealousy happens, but it must be checked because it is not healthy and can ruin relationships. Its not fair to the other person and hinders your own ambition. When one person succeeds (at something positive) the world becomes a better place because it opens the windows and doors of opportunity for others. We must promote others' success and get back to celebrating with each other. This will plant seeds of positivity in the world and more people will feel empowered!