Growing up one of my nicknames within my family was "Bear" because of my affection/obsession with care bears and all things teddy bear-ed. This was an affectionate name given to me by my mother and used mostly by my brothers and cousins. As an adult looking back it would appear that I was given just the right name for the right time. There were many struggles within my childhood. Everything from living in project housing to not having enough to eat to at times being homeless. There were many things that shaped me into a bear and allowed me to be strong and fierce to survive but also to have seasons where sleep was the best survival mechanism, as it allowed me to protect myself while dealing with things out of my control.
Later my 8th grade teacher and mentor told me that I reminded him of a butterfly and so this became his nick name for me. He explained his observation as my growth from a tough and thick skinned young girl who held everyone at arms length , into a warm and beautiful young lady who was ready to explore the world and create beauty where ever possible. Thus my transformation from a Bear to a Butterfly, included my success and determination to stay at the top of my class throughout high school and my leap of faith to go 730 miles away from home in an environment completely opposite of what I was used to and fight my way through earning a Bachelors degree.
While completing my studies for a Masters Degree in International Relations, I studied for 8 weeks in Thailand. During this time I had the privilege of learning the skills of meditation from Buddhist monks. Our language and cultural professor explained that one of the highest privileges was to receive a new name from the monks during or meditation lesson. The monks named me Ubon which means lotus as in one of the most sacred Buddhist flowers. An explanation of the significance of the lotus is as follows: "As the lotus flower grows up from the mud into a object of great beauty people also grow and change into something more beautiful (hopefully!). So the symbol represent the struggle of life at its most basic form.Lotus flower tattoos are also popular for people who have gone through a hard time and are now coming out of it. Like the flower they have been at the bottom in the muddy, yucky dirty bottom of the pond but have risen above this to display an object of beauty or a life of beauty as the case might be."
So now my transformation from a butterfly to a lotus. I have earned my Masters Degree and been to 5 0f 7 continents and 11 countries around the world, I have witnessed many different cultures and several different lifestyles sparking a sense of compassion and understanding within me that has defined my life. Now as a lotus I am ready to begin my ascension into being an evocative member of society and creating an impact on the world around me. There are many lessons I carry from my bear and butterfly stages that I am eager to put to use.
Please stay tuned :-)
We go through several transitions in life,..much like most things on the earth. It is essential to ensure that we not only stay mindful of the lessons that each presents but to also put these lessons to use to help make life as productive as possible. Life is like a roller coaster ride, with twist, turns, parts that make us laugh and many scary parts. The most important thing is that when one ride has come to an end, even though we may be dizzy, crying, laughing or holding our stomachs we must hold on to the lessons of the ride in order to make the next one more enjoyable. In the end it should all be worth the ride!

I found out today that big girls really do cry sometimes. For some reason we as a society have pinned crying as a child's activity and that as we grow older the less we are supposed to cry. If you ask me this doesn't make much sense, (like many things that we adults think we've got pegged) Because when you think about it, the older we get the more the years past by and the more experiences we gain and not all of those experiences will be things that are great and make us laugh, smile or even stop and think, honestly the majority of those experiences will be teachers that will knock us down, run us over and hurt us worse than we could have imagined, a lot of times more than we think we could handle. It is only natural that the more we remove the rose colored glasses that we were born with, and the world becomes a more gritty and grimy but also real place the more we have reason to cry.
When we hold those tears in and we bury the anger the disappointment the frustration and it becomes hardened in our hearts. If you ask me, (and because you are reading this I assume that you are asking me) this is the precise reason we have so many bitter people walking around hurting others. Hurt to me is an epidemic, one that you either choose to take the hard path of curing through learning to forgive, crying it out, standing up again, and ultimately not being afraid to fall,...or you choose what seems to be the easy road which is take the hurt you've experience and hurt someone else in hopes that it will make you feel better and protect you from ever experiencing it again. The problem with the latter is that when we take that road it never leads us anywhere productive. It only gives us the illusion that the only way to protect ourselves from hurt is to keep everyone around us at arms length , never take chances, and hurt others before they have the chance to hurt us.

Forgiveness to me is the greatest gift that can be given. Whether we give this gift to someone else or they give it to us or even better if we give it to ourselves it is an amazing gift. The more you give of it the more you get from it. Every time we take the chance at forgiving someone, or ourselves we take a big step at letting go of the hurt that went along with the offense, taking steps to learn to laugh love and trust again. If we don't allow ourselves to cry then we are holding in the hurt and refusing to forgive, in actuality this is the childish thing to do, to hold everything inside and dismiss the person who hurt you. It takes a true strong adult to stand up and forgive and go out on a limb to trust again. Honestly you aren't helping yourself or the other person by not letting them know how they hurt you,..allowing them to see the tears and hear whats inside of you and then forgiving them.
Forgiveness is also not an overnight thing, its not something that can just be accomplished by saying a few simple words. It takes time and a lot of patience. So go for it, give it a try!

I have decided not to pressure myself in writing monthly blogs and do as my title suggest and write only when the inspiration is there. This post much like the others is coming directly from the happenings of my day to day life. Right now I am in London, on the 4th out of 5 stops on my journey to earn my Masters Degree in International Relations. As I get closer to my dream being fulfilled it seems that there is more and more negative energy circulating around me. What is up with that? Why must people be so negative? What are the benefits of being a hater?
I have come to understand that many times when people decide to be negative towards the positive things I am doing it is not because they have something against me, but actually because they are dealing with their own insecurities and issues. They are afraid and seeing someone elses' success is like a sign being held in their face of things that they have not accomplished yet. It is easy to get caught up in being a hater. Sometimes it happens unexpectedly and so quick that if not checked it grows into envy and can ruin relationships.
Recently a friend of mine Alisia, was accepted into Law school in Australia and was also awarded a very nice scholarship package! I was initially so proud of her but there was a moment where I felt envious. I had been struggling with my own fears of making career plans for myself after this program, so many roads to take and ensuring I took the right one for me. I was battling with insecurities, wondering if I was good enough to accomplish my own goals, and I let those struggles cripple me in not celebrating with someone whom I cared about and admired. I was able to check my feelings quickly as I realized her getting into Law School didn't mean I couldn't. Her success in life did not equate to my failure. If anything it was actually the opposite. The person I admired, was now accomplishing new things and inspiring me in new ways, standing as a symbol of what hard work during this program could produce. Thinking back on it now I should have been nervous and concerned if she had not been accepted.
There is a famous speech used by Nelson Mandela but authored by Marianne Williamson that starts out "Our biggest fear is ,.." later in the text she says "And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." We need people to shine, we need for others to feel celebrated. The most important thing you can do when you feel envious of others is to celebrate them appreciate their success and realize that others success does not equal your failure.I'm not saying be fake,..and smile when you don't feel it, however what I am saying is take the time to explore the origins and validity of your feelings. I have recently been put on the other side of the equation and it can be crippling. I have stopped myself from sharing my success with someone very close to me because I knew that they would only find something negative to say in response. What hurts me the most is that this has effected how often I talk to this person, and our friendship is fading. I feel as though my success has forced me to loose a friend. But in the end I have to do what is best for me. And by "playing small" just to keep a friend will only leave me with feelings of resentment. I have resolved to pray for my friend and continue to support them, and if nothing changes I will continue to strive to accomplish my own goals.
Jealousy happens, but it must be checked because it is not healthy and can ruin relationships. Its not fair to the other person and hinders your own ambition. When one person succeeds (at something positive) the world becomes a better place because it opens the windows and doors of opportunity for others. We must promote others' success and get back to celebrating with each other. This will plant seeds of positivity in the world and more people will feel empowered!

Ok so posting this time took way longer than I thought but after much delay its finally here my second post,..o and welcome to the new address,..blogspot is just easier to use than the other site (thanks ali 4 the tip).

So I was thinking the other day of at least 4 situations that I happened to be in where either someone was asking me for advise, for help, or that I noticed needed help. Being the superwoman that I am,..it was natural for me to want to run to the closet throw on my cape and start flying all over Europe to help! To my astonishment when I ran to the phone booth to gear up there was no tights or cape there. Instead only a small note that read;"take care of kimbe" <3 mom! I sat down and thought things through and quickly reminded myself of the only new years resolution I had made,.."to take care of myself".

This task is often harder than we perceive, mainly because for some of us the idea of facing our own issues and rescuing ourselves is much harder than taking care of everyone else's issues. My angel once told me the hardest thing for a caregiver to do is to give care to themselves",.. there are also those who get too wrapped up in what we are supposed to do according to standards around us. So out of feelings of obligation, we put on the cape and run around in circles. In these instances we aren't really helping as much as we'd like to give ourselves credit for. We are merely going through the motions. More times than not, our heart isn't where it needs to be to do any good.

Sometimes the best thing that you can do, to help someone else, is to help your self first. This is the driving idea behind the warning of the flight attendants as they tell us " in case of emergency please secure your own oxygen mask before helping your neighbor" the truth is there is no way possible that if the plane goes down and you drown or suffocate that you will be able to help anyone else. Rushing to the rescue of everyone, often puts burdens on those who have been assigned to care take for you.

Taking the time to breath to get to know ourselves to truly spend time on our own issues does more good in this world than any amount of charity given. Once we can learn to take care of ourselves, by default we become happier people, then we are able to build positive and healthy relationships rather than ones where we are too dependent on being able to fix others, as we can finally help others to learn to fly rather than becoming overly dependent on our capes.

Finally, the over all frame around my picture of thoughts is quite simple. All those who were in need of rescuing (at least I thought) are all adults. Adults who had made their own life decisions and who had a mind of their own and are ultimately responsible for their own happiness.It is so easy for us to tell others how to live their lives but we have no clue on how to live our own. More time should be spent trying to understand and work out our own issues. If we teach each other how to fish, no one should starve. I am not advocating that we don't help each other out in times of need. I am not saying that we should stay to ourselves and always mind our own business when it comes to adults,.however what I am saying is people will make their own decisions whether we are there or not and sometimes the best way to help them to do that is to not be there and allow them to trust in their own abilities to take care of themselves.

New Year Fresh Thoughts
Posted January 1, 2010

You could have been anywhere in the world but you're here with me. Thank u for joining me.Happy New Year everyone. I am resolving to writing a blog this year and who knows, if it goes well maybe I will continue the tradition into the future, however for purposes of this first blog lets take things one step at a time.

I would like to start the new year off talking about a very important subject one that I am certain is on the minds of the masses,..LIFE. To be fair almost all topics surround this subject,..even death when u think about it. I would like to focus on the celebration of life and the enjoyment of it. Now as this being my first blog and I have no real sense of protocol besides reading others thoughts (Alisia), I would like to ensure you that this will not be a lengthy read, but I do hope for it to be insightful and thought provoking, so I ask that you continue to indulge me and read further,...

I have recently become aware that the only life worth living is a life that is enjoyed. If you are not enjoying life then you might as well be dead. (however I would not recommend the later because there is no guarantee that you will enjoy it!) I found myself lately following the school of thought that allowed my ancestors freedom even through enslavement. The thought that no matter your circumstances no matter how much money you have, weight you've lost, romance you experience, education you have, all that really matters in life is your freedom to enjoy the here and the now. There will always be more to want and to need because that's who we are as humans. The only thing that prevents those wants and needs from driving us insane is that we learn to appreciate what we already have.

Only when we truly take a moment to appreciate what is already in abundance around us, can we start to enjoy life. One of the few types of people that I despise and will refuse to spend time with are those who too easily find something to complain about. Life is too short to be anything but happy so stop wasting your time on this earth, focusing on the negative. One of the people who has continuously inspired me, Rose, explored the notion of what might happen if the world as a whole- or even a significant fraction- focused on the positives of situations, how different would the world around us be? Some would argue that this is far too idealistic. I would argue that that argument is exactly the problem.

So in closing, and beginning ;-) I would like to challenge you to look at 2010 as a start to truly enjoying life and instead of complaining or focusing on what is missing in your life and eagerly rushing to feel voids, I urge you to concentrate on those positive things around you and see how different your world becomes. if your car breaks down walk and be thankful for the exercise, take the bus and be thankful for a cleaner earth and the new friend you met. If you gained a little weight be thankful that you aren't going hungry,.If you loose your job, be thankful that the door is now open for you to explore other talents, if your significant other calls it quits be thankful you didn't waste any more time with someone who is obviously crazy,.. cause you are FABULOUS!

welp I hope this has inspired some1,..please feel free to leave comments

All the best!